In what will probably be the only recurring segment here at TBA, I try to express my pure unadulterated hatred for the majority of television viewers. I realize this may alienate some of my readers (if I ever get anyone...) but I don't care because I'm exxxxtreme! I drink Mountain Dew!!! I don't have sleeves on any of my shirts!! That's exxxxtreme!
I hate CBS.
Ok let me start off by asking this question:
How many damn police procedural dramas does one network need? CSI, CSI:Miami, CSI:NY, The Mentalist, Blue Bloods, Flashpoint, Hawaii Five-0, NCIS, NCIS:Los Angeles, NCIS:Topeka, Two Cops and a Baby, Criminal Minds, Criminal Minds:Some other city, Cops Cops and More Cops, Tyler Perry's House of Cops...
Sadly enough only a small number of those are shows I made up to drive home my point. In the long and storied history of television there have been so many different types of shows, why on earth do you feel the need to continue dropping the cookie cutter on the same piece of dried dough over and over? It's lazy, it's insulting, and apparently America eats it up.
Only a network like CBS would take a genius piece of writing like Shit my Dad Says and think, "I know! This would work great as a sitcom! Let's get Shatner immediately!!" Quite frankly I'm surprised they didn't cast Susan Lucci to be the mother. (Does that show include a mother? I sat down to watch the first episode and 10 seconds in I blacked out and came to standing on my roof ready to jump.)
I realize that show is no longer on the air but this is about hatred not accuracy.
Next up is The Big Bang Theory. Don't get me wrong, the characters are likeable and Jim Parsons and Johnny Galecki are pretty funny at times, but it just seems like the damn show isn't even trying. Dialog, dialog, nerd joke, laugh track, physics reference, laugh track, roll credits. There, I just wrote an entire episode of The Big Bang Theory. Look for it next fall opposite the show it's bound to get cancelled, Community.
Finally and definitely not lastly on my rolodex of hate... Two and a Half Men. The virus that even Charlie Sheen couldn't kill and he's gotta be 60-70% Penicillin just to stay alive. The fat kid makes more per episode to slump around and look like a slightly off version of Eeyore than I will probably make in 15 years. Jon Cryer...seriously, could someone please put Ducky out of his misery? And yay, here to breathe new life into the series...Ashton Kutcher. When was the last time Ashton Kutcher was relevant? I'll tell you when, it was when Topher Grace made him a damn star!
The shows are safe, which is why they're popular because the plots and jokes are familiar. Because I share your general feeling about this network, I feel like How I Met Your Mother is a guilty pleasure based on a very likable cast that can overcome it's laugh-track simpleness.
ReplyDeleteMr. Harada