Update: Some people said that the banner image wasn't working so I changed it. This one works just as well. I'm going to call him Cooley Buttenstein. He might just be a regular fixture here!
I know it's a little early in the week for hatred. Especially for a blog that claims that hate isn't its main theme. But this particular entity....oh boy does it deserve some hate. So sit back and revel in the pure unadulterated hate!
I hate TLC.
I don't think there is enough hatred in this world to adequately express the way I feel about The 'Learning' Channel. I honestly believe that it is a plague that has been thrust upon mankind and will end up eventually bringing about the End of Days.
Let's take a look at some of the shows featured on The 'Learning' Channel, shall we?
Nick and Vanessa's Dream Wedding - Ahh, a veritable who's that of celebrity weddings
Toddlers and Tiaras - I don't think I am out of line when I say that I wish every single one of these families would simultaneously be struck by lightning, have something incredibly heavy dropped on them, and then ridiculed for their participation in this horrible excuse for a television show. These mothers should be drug out into the street, painted up like their poor daughters, and then shot by Chris Hansen. Spencer Pratt is a better human being than these mothers.
Kate Plus 8 - Look for the sequel next year "8 Plus Child Services"
19 kids and counting - I don't...I can't even...
I could list the rest of these shows but instead I'm going to just give one word that illustrates what they are about.
Gypsies
Cupcakes
Midgets (I know that encompasses like 30 different TLC shows)
People-drowning-in-their-own-filth (That one counts)
The worst part about this horrid dry heave of a television channel is that most of America eats this shit up. Allow me to use my imagination brush and paint you a picture of a typical meeting of the creative (and I use that word loosely) team at The 'Learning' Channel...
Asshole #1: We need to come up with a new show! Somebody get the board!
Assholes #2 and 3 pull a giant dartboard out of a closet. The dartboard is sectioned off into 'Midgets' 'Chocolate' 'People who are upsettingly fertile and shouldn't be' 'Obsessive Compulsive Bottom Feeders' 'Brides' and 'Sarah Palin'.
Asshole #1 throws four darts at once hitting four different horrible ideas.
Asshole #2: Yay! Our new show is about what happens when Sarah Palin wants to renew her vows and hires a pair of midget chocolate cake makers that own a company made up of their 23 midget children. And in episode two, Kate Gosselin wanders in looking for someone to watch her kids so she can sign books for overweight housewives that hate men.
Asshole #3: Ooooo! Crossover!
That's exactly how it happened. I know a guy and his older brother told him that story and its totally true. The 'Learning' Channel crams this shit down our throats and tells us that its not only entertaining, but that it has something to do with learning. Its insulting and pathetic aaand of course America can't get enough of it.
Editor's Note: I'm not sure if the header picture is the actual programming schedule. My television isn't allowed to go to that channel.
Funny!
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