I have something to tell you. Are you sitting down? You should sit down.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have filed for divorce after 72 long days of wedded bliss. I know, I know, I didn't see it coming either. If those two lovebirds can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?
Seriously though, who didn't see this coming?
"Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were paid almost $18 million to get married. $15M for E! to televise it, $2.5M for exclusive photo rights to People Magazine, $300K for exclusive engagement announcement to People, $100K for bridal shower to OK!, and $50K for the bachelorette party in Las Vegas. Then you figure in the freebies: $400K of Perrier Jouet Champagne, three $20K Vera Wang gowns, a $15K wedding cake, $10K in lavish invitations, and more — all free. After 72 days of marriage, Kim filed for divorce."
Warming Glow
Keep in mind that at this point the NBA is still on strike and David Stern is cancelling games left and right so Kris Humphries is essentially unemployed and who the hell knows what Kim "the human urinal" Kardashian does for a living besides pay someone to pretend to be her and tweet semi interesting things every few hours. So basically what you have is a television network and a couple of entertainment magazines paid 18 million dollars for a pair of unemployed people to stumble awkwardly through televised nuptials, be photographed in public together, and then make some poorly thought out statement about how they want to remain friends after the divorce.
Allow me to go off the beaten path for a moment and chronicle Kim Kardashian's history with men.
Stick with me here folks, I've sorta got a point.
January 2010 - Kim dates Reggie Bush
February 2010 - My beloved New Orleans Saints win their first Super Bowl
March 2010 - Kim and Reggie breakup
August 2011 - Reggie Bush breaks his leg against the 49ers ending his season
September 2009 - Miles Austin makes millions of Fantasy Football owners incredibly happy
June 2010 - Kim dates Miles Austin
December 2010 - Kim and Miles breakup
August 2011 - Miles Austin frustrates millions of Fantasy Owners by consistently underperforming
Fast forward to now. Kim and Kris Humphries file for divorce and the entire National Basketball Association is cancelled. Everything this spoiled, unemployed, urine stained whore touches is ruined and now that she has consumed an entire 400 game NBA season she will only grow stronger until she eventually brings about the end of days.
This post really got away from me. I apologize.
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