S.O.C.

Some of you might have picked up on the fact that I happen to enjoy a humble little show named "Community". You might also remember me referring to the white hot rage I feel at the fact that this brilliant show has never gotten the respect and love it truly deserves. Sure, critics and the internet absolutely love the show but the rest of the world would rather watch Jim Parsons and David from "Roseanne" sleepwalk through 31 minutes (Ed Note: What the hell is with the extra minute run time?) of sloppily written material so lazy it makes the shit I write here look like a New York Times article. Well, if you fall into that second category I have good news for you. Community has been removed from the Thursday night lineup and has yet to be placed in a new time slot.

"Community" has essentially been on a kamikaze mission for a long time now, going up against "The Big Bang Theory" and one of "American Idol" or "The X Factor" for a while now. It aired after "The Office" briefly at the start of its first season and has had to go it alone ever since. "Whitney," which gets to stay on the schedule has done better entirely because of that "Office" lead-in, and has been bleeding viewers almost as quickly as it's been arousing critical pans. "Community" is a mess ratings-wise, but it's one of NBC's few shows that still draws largely unabashed love from critics. Pulling it off the schedule temporarily given the ratings is understandable; pulling it off the schedule while leaving "Whitney" on is not. Either show is going to do the same pathetic numbers on Wednesdays at 8 - away from its "Office" cocoon, "Whitney" could easily do worse than "Community" would - and one move at least buys continued goodwill from the press and viewers, whereas there's no who will be happy that ["Whitney"] continues to air, week after week. HitFix

Ok people, we are officially in Defcon 1. I sat down with my crack creative staff to brainstorm ways we can keep "Community" on the air. Here's what we came up with:

1. Lay 30 solid minutes of canned laughter over an entire episode of "Community" so that even fans of "Mike & Molly" will know when to laugh.

2. Put one of those ESPN scrolling tickers at the bottom of the screen that spoils every "Big Bang Theory" joke 2 seconds before it happens. This suggestion is obviously a joke because the writers of "The Big Bang Theory" telegraph every joke with such laser like precision that even Helen Keller could tell you what's coming up next (too soon?).

3. This is the one we all agreed would most likely work. Everyone on the internet running "Community" tumblr feeds, fansites, Greendale Live Action Role Play forums, whatever... Watch the Goddamn show on television like a normal person. Think about this, the average age of a CBS viewer is about 230 years old. These are people still holding out to see if this internet fad will go away. They watch television. They register Neilsen ratings. There are about 400 bajillion people on the internet and from what I can tell all of them love "Community". You want to save this show?
Get a television you fucking hipsters.

Ok, things got a little out of hand just now and I want to apologize. It's just that I've been through this before. I had to suffer through cancellations of two fantastic shows, "Family Guy" and "Arrested Development". I refuse to wait 5+ years for the lazy ass interweb community to finally stop smoking weed long enough to gather enough signatures on their Change.org petition to get "Community" back on the air. FYI, it'll never work. Chevy has about 2-3 years of life left. Donald Glover is absolutely blowing up and will be such a mega star by then he won't be able to return, Dany Pudi will have been in far too many other tv shows and movies as someone other than Abed to be believable as Abed, and Alison Brie will be far too busy lounging with me on the private beach of our Tuscan Villa.

So finish reading this post, maybe click a few ads, read a few posts in the archives, and turn off the computer and watch some effing television.