Astute readers will no doubt have noticed that the Weekly Dose of Hatred has been decidedly less weekly than I originally intended. I'm kidding of course, Blog Name TBA doesn't have astute readers.
I hate Mixed Martial Arts.
For those of you lucky enough to have been spared painful introduction to the bro-iest of sports, allow me to explain. Mixed Martial Arts, or MMA if you're douchey, is a rapidly growing sport wherein two men who have obvious issues with the sizes of their penises are dropped into a six sided cage and instructed to beat the shit out of each other in order to sell Mountain Dew. It's the more violent, less rigged, just as stupid version of boxing and now the networks are starting to jump on the testosterone fueled bandwagon. Fox, embarrassing parent of my beloved Fx, recently signed a contract with the UFC to televise some of their matches which until now were mercifully hidden on pay-per-view. I've also been told that there is some sort of reality television show where hopeful meatheads with no discernible social skills live in a house and fight to see who gets to win a contract with the UFC. Unfortunately I don't own enough Axe body spray to watch Spike TV, so I cannot confirm or deny whether this show actually exists.
And of course mixed martial arts is not without their own disgusting fanbase that mainly consists of either roided out frat boys or overweight overcompensating assholes. They are easily identified by their blindingly sparkling attire manufactured by either douchebag magnate Ed Hardy or the equally cretinous Tapout. They travel in packs, pockets full of Rohypnol, and flock to whatever establishment is currently showing the big fight and selling Redbull.
Fans of mixed martial arts are the AT&T of people.
Each and every one of these date raping frat boy assholes should be tossed into a six sided cage and forced to fight to the death over the last can of Four Loko. That would be a fight I might actually watch, then again CBS would probably buy the rights to it and lay a laugh track over it, so maybe not.
Mixed Martial Arts hates you more.
ReplyDeleteI will concede the MMA fanbase is tainted by bro’s. Bro’s wearing TapouT shirts (actual spelling) that want cauliflower ear (real thing) so they can look hard.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/31/sports/othersports/31ears.html
However, I have followed MMA since its debut in that late 90’s. I don’t drink Mountain Dew, wear Axe body spray, or wear Ed Hardy / TapouT. “Fans of mixed martial arts are the AT&T of people.” What the fuck does that even mean? Does that mean I’m part of the 99%? Good, I don’t give a shit.
Yes, there is a show called The Ultimate Fight (TUF) on Spike, and it’s in its fourteenth season. Yes, I watch it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ultimate_Fighter
“The first season of The Ultimate Fighter was the last attempt by the UFC to capture public interest in the sport. The Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin bout saved the sport according to many journalists and Dana White.” YouTube the fight, it’s amazing.
The first two seasons were really good. When you lost, you were out of the tournament, and had to go live in a another house for the duration of the season. During the third season, they began allowing the losers to remain the house. They didn’t give them access to television, internet, or telephones from the beginning. So now you had people with nothing to do being filmed all the time. Oh, and they started providing alcohol. I imagine this is when the bro fanbase started tuning in (circa 2006). I will admit that in the years since, I have completely skipped entire seasons; because there was no one I cared to follow. However, the show remains they only mainstream exhibition for up-and-coming fighters. Most of these guys have less than a half-dozen fights under their belts.
Yes, some of the fighters are douches. Anytime you take a random sample of men aged 18-24, you will wind up with some douches. That segment existed long before MMA did.
My point it that MMA and the UFC didn’t choose the douches, they chose us.
Let me first start off by saying I appreciate your use of facts and dates in your defense of mixed martial arts, that being said using facts and dates really isn't my jam.
ReplyDeleteI hope you realize how incredibly rare you are. Like an NBA player without a neck tattoo or a Green Bay Packer fan who isn't morbidly obese being a non bro/non rapey MMA fan makes you an absolute minority and that's why people make fun of the human dogfighting sport that is MMA.
I'm sure that somewhere out there is a business man wearing a nice pair of Dockers and a crisp Van Heusen shirt that drives a Prius and just happens to enjoy listening to the Insane Clown Posse but even if that guy existed, he hardly represents the fanbase of the Insane Clown Posse. ICP will forever be tied to the Juggalos and MMA will forever be tied to a fanbase that is the AT&T of people. In other words, the overwhelming majority of MMA fans are exactly what people think they are, walking talking diarrhea people.
I realize that I am using an unfair stereotype to judge you but don't blame me. Blame should rest squarely on the shoulders of society.
But with all of that being said you took the time to read my blog and increase my pageview count and I am nothing if not completely devoid of journalistic integrity when it comes to pageviews so...
Go Uriah Faber and Cain Velasquez!!
You realize Dos Santos won right?
ReplyDeleteBoth Santos won? Kidding of course, I have no idea who any of these people are.
ReplyDelete