Haha, suck it Big Face!

Who wants to be on TBS?

In the November sweep, CBS’ “Late Show with David Letterman” beat NBC’s “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” among adults 18 to 49 for the first time since 1994, according to Nielsen. Letterman scored a 0.9 rating over Leno’s 0.8.LA Times

David Letterman, clearly the funnier of the two major network late night hosts, broke a 17 year Nielsen losing streak to finally beat out comedy's cancer, Jay Leno.

This is awesome but not. It's great because for once the Nielsen Family got something somewhat right. Jay Leno is a horribly unfunny jackass and is the reason Conan O'Brien has been cast down into the land where funny goes to die, TBS. The unawesome part is that Jon Stewart came in behind both these guys with a 0.7 Nielsen score.

Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy naked cell phone pictures of Kat Dennings and Scarlett Johansen just as much as the next guy but would it be a crime if our nation's hackers went after the Nielsen boxes and fixed everything?

Oh it would? Forget I said anything then.

The Internets Love Community

BOOM! What now CBS??? Check this shit out:

"Community", yes that's right "Community" won a fan based award. Over 300k people went to TV Guide's Facebook and voted and look who came out on top. Yea! Where's your Jon Cryer now??

What's that you say? He's still making a bajillion dollars an episode and living in a four story mansion made entirely of melted down Emmys...

So you're saying this award means next to nothing and "Community" will still probably get cancelled because the antiquated relic that is the Nielsen System still hasn't been updated to take into account people watching TV online? Great. Excuse me while I put my fist through plate glass.

Nielsen Time Bitches

The Nielsen ratings are out for the first week of primetime television and it's official...
America hates television

Let's examine some of the numbers, shall we?

Two and a Half Men (CBS Monday, 9pm) 28.7 Million
2 Broke Girls, alternate title "Kat Dennings' Cans" (CBS Monday, 9:30pm) 19.4 million
Hawaii Five-O (CBS Monday, 10pm) 12.2 million
Dancing with the Stars (ABC Monday, 8pm) 19 million
Fuerza del Destino (Univision Monday, 9:02pm) 4.7 million
NCIS (CBS Tuesday, 8pm) 20 million

Ok, I'm sorry. I can't continue this. Here is what happened:
The braindead, laugh track reliant masses of America flocked by the millions to watch shit like Dancing with the Stars, Survivor, NCIS, Two and a Half Men, The Big Band Theory, and the X-Factor. In the meantime, the season premiere of Community pulled a disappointing 3.9 million viewers. Fuerza del Destino aired every night and averaged 4.5 million viewers. Sabado Gigante (Ed note: Sabadoooooooo Giiiiiiigaaaaaaanteeeeeee!) managed 2.2 million viewers, that doesn't have any bearing on the points I'm trying to make, I just wanted to say Sabado Gigante as I was typing it out.

Check out the Network Top 10 while I repeatedly slam my head into the wall:
1. Two and a Half Men 28.7
2. NFL Steelers/Colts 20.4
3. NCIS 20.0
4. 2 Broke Girls (boobies) 19.4
5. Dancing with the Stars 19.0
6. NCIS: Los Angeles 16.7
7. Big Bang Theory 14.9
8. Dancing with the Stars Results Show (Really?) 14.8
9. Modern Family 14.5
10. Criminal Minds 14.1

Holy sweet fancy Moses, I'm gonna have fuel for this blog until the day I die.