Welcome Back!

I really need to get Photoshop


Ok I realize I'm not exactly starting off 2012 with a bang posting-wise. I could tell you that I haven't posted much this whole week in a show of solidarity for my blogging brethren who would be affected by SOPA/PIPA but I'm just lazy. I did sign the online petition though because I don't want to live in a world where there is a limit on the number of Alison Brie gifs available.

So in an effort to beg for your forgiveness allow me to inundate you with some awesome television news that you will only find on Blog Name TBA, provided you don't visit any other television blogs or read any television insider magazines.

Tom Hanks and that other guy did it better: ABC cancelled their new comedy "Work It" after only two episodes. This show featured two guys who have to dress as women in order to get better jobs or something. I'll be totally honest with you all, I didn't watch this and I was barely aware of its existence. Apparently I was not in the minority.

Louis CK doesn't give a shit: Awards shows like The Golden Globes are nothing more than an opportunity for talentless assholes to flaunt the fact that their horrible show has far more viewers than quality programming like "Community" and "Parks and Recreation" so it should come as no surprise that Louis CK wants no part of that shit.

"It would be false for me to [host the Golden Globe Awards]...I'd have to go and pretend I give a shit and I don't...

I've said it before and I will say it again, Louis CK is quite possibly one of the funniest men on the planet and it's because of things like this. He honestly doesn't care how he is perceived. He says things he thinks are funny and if you don't like him, go to hell or a Dane Cook show, either one works.

Rob Schneider is a professional coat tail rider: This is a rather old news item but no matter how many times I read it I still get infuriated. The premiere of "Rob", in which Rob Schneider milks the same joke for what seems like an eternity, scored 13.5 million views. Granted it aired after "The Big Bang Theory" pulled in 15 million views. I'm going to pretend that most of that 13.5 million is people that fell asleep after the first 5 minutes of "The Big Bang Theory" and slept right through "Rob" and since the average CBS viewer is approximately 75-100 years old, that could be accurate.

Celebrity Wife Swap is a thing: Somehow for some unGodly reason this show was greenlighted and given a timeslot. So far the 'celebrities' swapping have been Tina Yothers, Niecy Nash, Gary Busey, Flava Flav, Dee Snider, and Ted Haggard. Someone is playing pretty fast and loose with the term 'celebrity'.

This week in TV news: Friday Edition

Ever been at a party and everyone's talking about books or some other nerdy topic? Doesn't that just make you want to bash some nerds? Well, I'm not telling you to resist that urge, I'm merely giving you some far more interesting things of your own to talk about. Maybe those book nerds will finally quit giving you such condescending looks... If a GED wasn't good enough they wouldn't offer it as a high school diploma substitution, asshole.



MTV's New Year's Eve celebration to feature famous people? - I can neither confirm nor deny this rumor because even though MTV has released a list of celebrities that will be appearing at its New Year's Eve bash, I have no earthly idea who any of these people are.
Mac J. Miller, J. Cole, Tyler Posey, Vanessa Marano, and Katie Leclerc.
Either I'm incredibly old or the bar for fame in this country has been set far too low.
*accidentally reads article about Lindsey Lohan*
Ok, its B.


See you next season, Ronald McDonald - The latest season of "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia" ended last night and I would like to go on record as saying this was probably the best season thus far. This season alone we got to meet Fat Mac, see two homeless dudes banging under the Boardwalk, we learned how to play Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games, I live blogged the season premiere, and finally after years of doubt and mystery we learned Mac's real name. Also am I the only one that loves the crap out of the jet black skullet that Danny DeVito is sporting this season? Sunny continues to be one of the best comedies on television and the flagship of a brilliant FX lineup.


NBC agrees to produce more crap - In a move that makes me want to cut myself NBC has signed on for a full season of "Whitney". They're also going to subject us to a show based on/written by comedienne Chelsea Handler. Troy and Abed are unemployed because of this shit? Seriously?


Golden Globe Nominations are out - What's that you say? No "Community"? No "Parks and Recreation"? No "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia" or "the League"? Not even "Happy Endings"?
At least Ron Swanson got a nomination this year, right? You've got to be kidding me...

You tell 'em Ron.

This week in TV news

Thanks to the abnormal amount of porn pictures of beautiful sunsets on my computer I have been unable to keep you, my wonderful readers, informed on the exciting world of television. Let's remedy that, shall we?

Burt Reynolds to guest as himself on "Archer": Anyone that watches "Archer" probably knows all about Sterling Archer's incredibly potent mancrush on the mustachioed one so this will be nothing short of awesome.

"Beavis and Butt-Head" return to television: The MTV classic re-debuted to 3.3 million viewers. I was 13 when this show first aired on MTV and my parents didn't allow me to watch it so I really don't have much to say about it other than I really can't support a show that made Mike Judge rich enough to be able to produce 13 seasons of "King of the Hill". That show was an atrocity.

FX renews "American Horror Story": I've heard great reviews about this show from a few friends of mine and it is on FX... Maybe it deserves a look-see. Not from me though, I scare easily. You watch it.

FX buys 90 episodes of a new Charlie Sheen sitcom: Ok at first glance this seems like a cruel joke. The network that airs "Justified", "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia", and others is purchasing 90 episodes of a sitcom that will feature Charlie freaking Sheen playing an anger management therapist that needs anger management. Ok, ok, ok I can explain.... FX knows that this horrible crap stain of a program will of course debut to 20 million viewers and make them tons of money. FX doesn't really think Charlie Sheen is talented, they just need the money he can bring in so that they can keep airing brilliant sitcoms that are praised by critics but panned by the viewing public. Yea, that's it. Now I can sleep.

This week in TV news

Netflix signs up for 4 years of streaming CW shows - Starting October 15th Netflix customers will be able to stream such CW powerhouses as "Ringer", "Hart of Dixie", "The Vampire Diaries", and "Gossip Girl". Starting October 16th Netflix will send out apology letters for streaming CW shows.


"Delocated" to get even funnier - Janeane Garofalo has signed on with the cast of the Adult Swim live action comedy "Delocated" for the 2012 season. I've always had sort of a nerd crush on Janeane Garofalo, I can't explain why and it's not something I am particularly proud of and I'm not quite sure why I'm telling you about it. I just feel very vulnerable right now and I don't think I should be alone tonight.


Get ready for a Two and a Half Men spinoff - CBS, the New York Yankees of network television, posted a record 20 of the 30 top shows among broadcast networks from September 19th to October 9th. Assisting this incredibly depressing statistic was "NCIS" and "NCIS:LA" this tuesday with 18.7 million and 15.4 million viewers respectively. What the F people? It's the same damn show in a different city. Seriously?

Sorry to end this on such a downer but I've been cleaning, defragging, and anti virusing my computer all damn day and its crashed 6 times already. Suuuuper.

This week in TV news

Third prize is you get fixed


In what is sure to turn into a permanent fixture here at TBA (mainly because it requires very little effort on my part) we are going to take a step back from the brilliantly crafted commentaries about the state of television today and provide you, the faithful reader, with some of the more talked about new items of the week. That way when you host that wine and cheese party this weekend you will have something to talk about instead of letting that bitch Stephanie Wallace steal your thunder by talking about how her gynecologist once did a pap smear on Julia Roberts. Uppity bitch.

RIP "The Playboy Club" - Poor Eddie Cibrian... Not only did he recently end his marriage to noted fame whore and newest cast member of "The Real Housewives of some shitty location" only to watch his new girlfriend LeAnn Rimes open the Ark of the Covenant and become the Crypt Keeper's younger and less attractive sister, but NBC has just canned his period drama (Dibs on Period Drama for a band name) "The Playboy Club" after only three episodes. When asked for a comment a high level executive at NBC probably said this:

It really is a shame. We had such high hopes for Mad Men Pan Am The Playboy Club.

Next year's Superbowl moved to 4:30pm to accommodate the halftime entertainment - The interwebs broke the news this week that the NFL has signed Madonna for next year's Superbowl halftime show. So the organization that almost forced me to become interested in Canadian Football or even worse...baseball because of owner greed has signed Madonna to headline the halftime show of their biggest night of television. Madonna the 50-something year old walking skeleton that has been documented as one of the biggest pains in the ass to work with due to her ridiculous demands, ludicrous salary, and need for attention. Yea, that makes sense.

Some young hipster doofus cheated on his elderly wife - Apparently, not unlike the Tiger Woods saga of yesteryear, stories of Ashton Kutcher's infidelity continue to surface. Us and Life and Style have reported that Kelso not only cheated on his old lady (Ed note: *rimshot*) with a pair of women at a pricey hotel but he did it on their anniversary. I like to imagine Jon Cryer is reading this right now and openly weeping into whatever cereal unfunny douches eat for breakfast about how Two and a Half Men just can't catch a break. Count Chocula. Unfunny douches probably eat Count Chocula for breakfast.